Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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