see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
