do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
