how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
