I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
