The best revenge is premature balding
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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