He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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