someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
