I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
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You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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