my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
