My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
