Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
