the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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