Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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