you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Boobs speak an international language.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
