i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
