you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
