You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
