38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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