Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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