Ketchup is God's man juice
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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