I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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