Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
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I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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