Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
