I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
