I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
