last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
