Don't you send me to vm
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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