just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Sober January is a disaster.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
whose parrot is this?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
