So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
