you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize