Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
