I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
BRING THE BAGELS
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize