Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
