I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sext me about skeletons
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
