I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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