Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
