I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
