Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
