Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
