Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
