I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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