You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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