sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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