Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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