In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just want to make out with him forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize