I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
