here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
