he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
