your thong is hanging out like whoa
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
