the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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