you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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