i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
