Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
