he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
