I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
