I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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