then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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