So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
