Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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