The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
