I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
