I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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