Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
