I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
