party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
