I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
