My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
