His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
