He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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