I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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