Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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