this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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