Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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