your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
wow bdsm is so cute
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
