I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
