This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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