That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
