i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
