guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
