half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
