i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
