I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
