you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Found your dick twin last night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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