can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
