I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
