she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
