I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
