i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
