What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
