Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
